Listen to Your Heart

So, there is this thing that people are thinking and it's really bothering me. See, I'm hearing a lot of "Judy went to Egypt, met some guy, and bye bye Mike." NO, that's not what happened. Judy went to Egypt, met someone that she really, really got along with and perhaps even fell in love with, did a lot of thinking and soul searching, and then "bye bye Mike".

K, so I must say, there were problems, perhaps we were just not meant to be. Problems that I didn't really see as problems when we were together (perhaps I thought I could fix them). When a woman has to say "now don't judge him by his looks, he's a really nice guy" before she allows her family or friends to meet her boyfriend, there is an issue. When you are embarrassed to be with someone in public, there is an issue. When he has to smoke a joint every night and the first thing he says to you when you tell him bad news is "I need to get high", and then says that he is not addicted to the substance, there is an issue (especially when you yourself don't like drugs, even though you tolerate it under social circumstances). We had nothing in common, I like cars, he could care less, I know quite a bit about computers, he knows nothing, he likes war movies and such, I hate them... he wouldn't even own a cell phone, I carry mine everywhere. There was no future, honestly. There are more things, but I really don't want to get too low, I just want to state a point that it wasn't a spontaneous decision.

No one knows exactly what happened, and unless you can read my mind don't make assumptions or judgements about my choices. And, most of all, don't put me down when I'm not there to defend myself, especially when it's a topic you don't know about. Remember there are three sides to every story, yours, mine, and ours, as an outsider you should listen to every side before making a judgement or critisism about what someone did/does.

One thing that Julie brought up in Egypt was the possibility that Mohab is coming to live in Canada, then what, I'd have to make a choice. I thought long and hard, which one would I chose... well, I figured it out. Mohab is everything I want in a man. I knew this from day one, I knew him from day one! He's highly intellegent yet not afraid to ask a question or what a word means if he doesn't understand something, he's silly, has an amazing sense of humour, he's a gentleman through and through, has the same goals as me, wants the same things out of life, he listens to me and understands my weird gabber, he is 100% man... as in very masculine, easy to talk to, really cuddly, giving of himself, cultured, pure of heart, just an amazing person to be around and one that I love having in my life. I miss being with him, seeing him, smelling him, touching him, sitting with my head on his shoulder while he leaned his head up against mine, kissing my hair, whispering in my ear. I miss how even though I could be in the worst mood, just seeing him enter a room would make me smile. I miss his cologne. I miss the softness of his face as I'd stroke his cheek looking into his eyes. I miss his eyes, the way they looked at me, no one in my life has ever looked at me that way before (if he is playing me, or using me just to get to Canada, he's a pretty good actor, there is not a doubt in my mind that his feelings are true). I miss his hand entwined with mine, or just having it stroking my arm or resting on my knee. Gawd, I miss him so much!!!! Yup, I'm in love. We talk every night, we do a voice and webcam chat, good times, we make each other laugh, but we also make each other sad because we know how far apart we are and we don't know exactly how we will be together. I wonder how will we be as b/f g/f because I did hold back while I was there, I did not give him completely of myself, physically or mentally. Nov/Dec is so far away, but I plan to go back, not only to see him, but to see things I didn't see while there the first time.... Like Luxor, Thebes, Philae, Aswan. We will have to pretend that we are married, just to be able to stay in the same hotel rooms and such, but that's okay, I'm sure we can handle it. ;-) I can't wait!!!!!

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On another note, I wanted to post a very controversial theory of mine. As many of you know I'm a Dawinism believer, NOT creationism. Well, I do have a theory on this because I do believe that there are Gods and Goddesses (yup I believe they all exist, as separate entities, together), that there are higher powers, but I don't believe that they created us. Think about this with an open mind. See, every culture in society has had a higher power to believe in, right back to the "cave men" who had their fertility goddess statues. So, there must be something, right? Well, we all believe in a God/Goddess of some sort, so that must prove something, they must exist. But, there is a theory that if you believe in something enough, or want something bad enough, it will happen... so, my belief and my theory is that we created them. We, as human beings needed that something to cling to, a higher power, something to blame things on, or to credit things for, so we made stories about "Gods/Goddesses" and we believed these stories, and we worshipped them, made offerings to them, loved them, and they became real. The human mind is a wonderful thing!

Agility

Last night we started our agility course. Willow saw me pull out the bag and went nuts "FLYBALL!!!!" So, sorry habibi, no flyball tonight. I think she was bored in class, it was too much like obedience, she didn't get to run and jump last night, but that's okay, she will get to do it soon, she will like it soon. Last night was just a refresh of stuff she knows, so she was kinda bored.

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Tonight we went for a walk. I drove to work this morning because it was raining. So, I walked home. Figured it would be an excuse to walk Willow... gotta get the car. If I get home and sit, I sit and don't move, I am lazy. So, I get home and turn on the computer and talked to Mohab for almost three hours, we do voice and webcam chat, makes it almost like being there.... almost. At 8:00 p.m. I told him that I outta go before it gets dark, and that he really should get to bed (it was 2 am over there and he needed to get up at 9). So, Willow and I walked and got the car. She's so smart, she walked right up to it and sat and stared at the door handle waiting to get in, knew which one was mine. Got back home at around 8:45 and made and had dinner. *sigh* I can feel the weight falling off, I hope to be at around 130 by september.... that's less than 20 lbs, I can do it!!!

Movie Posters

Had some fun with the website http://flagrantdisregard.com/flickr/poster.php

*Sigh*

I hate winter, but I can't wait until November. Yeah, you've probably guessed why, that's approximately when Mohab is coming.... for a visit. "Two weeks in Heaven" he calls it, LOL think I'll pick up that title too. I am hoping for a bit earlier, like mid-Sept, it will all depend on finances though.

I have a few thoughts on things to show him, if anyone has any other ideas let me know. My thoughts are Niagara on the Lake and Niagara Falls (an overnight trip), CN Tower and a tour of Toronto, Algonquin Park (was telling him about it while there and he would like to see it), The Petroglyphs, maybe 1000 Islands. I would like to have a family/friends BBQ too. And, most definitely the Canadian shopping experience... WalMart!!!!! LOL Gawd, I can't wait!!!

I'm still feeling crappy. Headache, chills, bodyaches, fatigue, and my stomach is still crampy. I need to learn not to eat 'cause everything goes straight through. Hope I don't have a flu on top of the food poisoning.

I worked today, just a short shift, but it was still work. Yup, on a Saturday.

Think I need some rice and a nap.

It's Done

My Egypt blog is www.mytriptoegypt.blogspot.com

Home

Arrived home at 3:30 yesterday afternoon. It was a tough trip back, I got food poisoning (or something) my last day there.

We travelled for a full 24 + hours, but managed to get a lot of sleep on the planes and in the airport. When we got home Julie took me straight to mom's to get Willow and my car. When she saw me, she barked, it was a "ruff, ruff, ruff, OMG IT'S MOMMY!!!!!" and I got hugged and kissed, and jumped on. She looks different, a little stressed I think. I spent a few hours there (ate some rice) and then came home. Willow is happy, she is very content to be home.

I talked to Mike, and told him everything that happened (see the following posting for the explaination), he was not pleased, of course. So, I guess it is over with us. I am not happy about this of course, and feel absolutely terrible that such a thing could happen as I never, ever thought in a million years that this could happen to me. Guess, it truly was out of sight, out of mind. Mike, I'm sorry, I really, truly, deeply am. * So, guess I'm supposed to state here that Mike didn't "walk" as he puts it, I did the "dumping", I figure that if something like that can happen so easily, then it must really say something about our relationship, I don't see how he can trust me again, and I don't see how I can go back, so yeah, I chose for it to be over. And, yes, I'm a BITCH!

I didn't go to bed until around 2 am, got up around 10, still feel icky, need a shower, need more Imodium. Need laundry and to write my Egypt blog and to put the pics on CD ROM, and unpack, and.... just so much. If I'm still feeling like this by midday, I'm calling in sick for tomorrow.

I am writing a separate blog for Egypt, I will link it here when it is finished.

Oh, and I lost 8 lbs on the trip! Or from being sick, one or the other.

Mohab

Where do I begin to talk about this subject without hurting people or making myself look like a piece of crap.

We met in Egypt, he was one of Yasser's friends set up to be my bodyguard. I met him on my third day there, the day we went to Giza. I answered the door and was shocked to see him, I was expecting a different friend. The first thing I said to Julie was "OMG he's hot!" and he told me later that he basically said the same thing to Yasser about me ("How sweet, I want that") so the initial attraction was mutual. The four of us went to Giza, he was such a gentleman, he got me off that damn camel when the handler wouldn't let me down, protected me from a sandstorm by holding his coat over me, we got along right from the start talking, laughing, being silly. I said how much it amazes me that someone could be powerful enough to order a structure such as a pyramid when they die, and I want one when I die, he gave me the nickname that stuck in Egypt "Her Royal Highness, Queen Jude the First" and called me "My Queen". We were always together, so that the other two could be alone. And, we hit it off.

On our first Saturday there he told me his feelings and the first thing out of my mouth was "okay, yes, I know, but you know that I have a boyfriend, I can't give up my life for a two week fling". But still, the attraction was there, and we saw each other everyday, save one, for the entire trip, always together pretty much alone.

I spoke to him many times on the subject, how it couldn't be, how we live worlds apart, how we want different things (when really we don't), etcetera. It still didn't work. I found myself looking forward to the times when he would be off work so that he could join us and him walking in the door would put a smile on my face.

He took me to Saqqara on Friday, I would not have gone if not for him. We spent the day together. Later that night we had our farewell party, and as he was leaving we kissed, hard, passionate, the type that had to get out because it was suppressed for so long.

Saturday, we spent the day together again, he took me to the airport and we said our goodbyes. He has said that he wants to move to Canada, always has, he wants to moreso now (He lived in Cyprus for 5 years, so emigration might not be as difficult for him (?)). He has promised to show me the world, and that I will get my pyramid, even if it's only a small one in the backyard.

Tomorrow

Wow it's already here!!!!

My carry-on is packed and is only 16 lbs (allowance is 22), my suitcase is pretty much ready to go, just need to pack my hairbrush, but I need that tomorrow morning, so will pack it after I use it. I have decided to take two suitcases, one with my clothes and one with other stuff, that way if a shampoo or something leaks it won't get all over my clothing. Also, this way we have room for more souvenirs.

Mike is taking us to the airport, he is on his way here now to spend the day (and night), our last time together for two weeks. I will miss him, we have talked/typed to each other everyday since January 15th. I guess this will be the ultimate test of how we truly feel about one another (will absence make the heart grow fonder, or will it be out of sight out of mind?)

We are going to drop Willow off at Mom's tonight or tomorrow morning. She is staying there while I'm gone... I will worry about her, but I'm sure she will be okay. I will be pretty bruised and scratched when I get back... that I know... she will likely piddle on me in her excitement...LOL My little love bum.

Well, that's probably it until I get back. If I can get to a computer, I will try to write from Egypt.

Have a good two weeks everyone!