So Tired

Not physically, well, sort of, but that's just because of the mental exhaustion. I'm tired of everything not going right my whole life, everytime something goes well with my life something else goes wrong, why, what's wrong, what did I do to deserve this? Was I such a horrid person in my past life? I try to do good, shouldn't I get some in return?

I'm tired of not working, I need money, there is too much month and not enough money. I am thinking of moving back in with mother, just to save up a bit, but is it really worth my sanity?!?! I will only get about 24 hours this week, and who knows about next week, I need at least 34 just to pay the bills with no play money. My bank account's favourite colour is red, and has been for some time. Would be different if I wasn't my sole support. Maybe I should get myself fired and go on EI for a while, I would probably make more that way.

Dealing with all the studying and research with immigration is not easy either, seems like everytime I think 'yeah, okay shouldn't be too hard' something comes up, or I hear some story from someone about just how hard it really is. I don't want to wait years, I want him here by next spring! It's so hard having the man you love on the other side of the world, not able to make physical contact with them. It's actually draining.

Then there is some other shit going on, but we won't get into that because half the people out there would think me insane. Let's just say that it's been a monkey on my back for 14 years, literally, time to shake it off!

So, then tonight I get told that Willow needs to see another trainer, someone more expert in flyball to cure her chasing problem. The fee for the classes is not a problem, basically it would just take over the fee I'm already paying for team practice, the big problem is that the trainer lives in Caledonia (I think) so it's the gas money, and the time to drive out there (1 1/2 hours each way). If she has weekend classes, that would be great, but I think it's only Monday nights, and that's the same night as agility and we are enjoying agility and I would really rather stick with that. Maybe Willow is just not cut out to be a flyball dog after all, maybe the solo sports are better for her. We will see, I guess, Morgan is contacting another lady she knows who is starting up a team and telling her about us, they need a speed dog.... hopefully we can get this chasing problem solved! Damn dogs! If she only knew.